386 Days

My mother in law passed away from bile duct cancer July 1st, 2014, but that didn't turn our world upside down. It was the day in January six months prior when we received the first indication that the pain in her rib cage was likely stage 4 of a type of cancer that was fatal within a year.  It was the worst six months of our lives, and the last year has been all about finding our "new normal".  Adriana Perez was a force of nature.  My wife and I were there the moment this force became still. The void she's left behind can not be filled.  It's a permanent chasm of ache that dulls with time but never completely heals. We are in a much happier place now than we were a year ago, but this new normal still feels like an alternate reality. As we go into the 386th day of the "Post Abuela Era", we keep rebuilding and living in the here and now. We still have each other.

All Good Things...

It goes without saying that life is too short.  In the grand scheme of things the average lifespan of a human being is all but the blink of an eye.  Every moment is precious.  Every moment is fleeting.  "What will be" constantly slips into "what was", and the boundary between these two states, the intangible now, is an elusive tease.  For those of us lucky enough to be content with what life has to offer, our collection of precious moments is a treasure trove.  Alas, all good things come to an end, and in my case I find there are fewer days ahead for our contented status quo than there are behind.  Change is inevitable, and it quickly approaches.  I look back at 2013, and I see now that it was the last year of good memories in what was the landscape of our contentment. Once 2014 passes, there may yet still be very good days ahead, more precious moments to create and experience. For now, the elusive itangible now, the landscape is changing, and I've begun to mourn...

Phase More

In the age before the dominance of Facebook, in the time before Twitter and Instagram, "ChriseloBlog" was born. It comes back now, at the turn of the tide...ok, a pointless LOTR Gandalf reference...

I forgot this piece of cyber presence was here, and I think I shall revisit this little diary, though I'm not exactly sure what purpose it serves for me now. I think it's pretty cool and scary that it's still here. 

When I last posted there were two kids, and now there are three. Noella is 12, Isabella is 5, and Lucas is 3.  A world of difference compared to 2009, and the world at large is a different place.  

More to come...why? I haven't a clue.  When will I post again?  Who knows, but for now I remember you are here, ChriseloBlog. 

Phase Four

Noella has a little sister, Isabella, who is now 20 months old, and they are both doing fantastically well. The world has moved on quite a bit since my last post. Much has happened, too much to say. I've forgotten that this little space existed for my personal musings (odd place to put personal musings in such a public forum). For what its worth, we now raise a family in a world where the economic future is unsure at best. Much of my fears regarding the housing bubble and other concerns have come to pass. Now the country recovers as we try to chip away at the consumer debt that's hung around our neck to various degrees since our marriage in 1994. One day we'll slay this dragon and live comfortably...at least I hope.

The Way

Finding it can be so hard. Turn right, left, go back, straight ahead, up, down, stop...it can be confusing. Then there are times when the way is as plain as the nose on your face. Me? I just need to go anywhere at this point and trust my bearings...

New Beginnings

Noella has started her new school and so far so good. She's grown so much... Now I know what they mean when people say "...children don't come with manuals". You really fumble around and try to do what's right the best you can, and then one day you realize, "Oh crap, I should have been doing this!" Everything from her teeth, to her hearing loss, to her socio-emotional development have been interesting "lessons" in responsible parenthood. Hopefully if we ever have a next one we'll screw up less...or perhaps we'll just screw up differently.

Second guessing aside, I'm happy to see Noella gaining confidence. She's finally able to do the monkey-bars after years of wanting to do so. I recorded her on my phone at her school playground. Man, time to wake up and see her growing. It's slipping by so fast and won't come again.

Mommy & Noella

They say that there is nothing like the bond between a mother and her child. They say a mother's love is unique. I am getting too long in tooth to remember how I felt as a child in my mother's arms, but when I look at Christine and Noella a little part of me begins to feel all warm and fuzzy. I see them and I can almost remember how special that bond can be. Noella loves me and I her, but who can top this picture? Not I. To quote a song by David Gilmour, "This kind of love is hard to find....."

Noella is sleeping beside me. She looks just like her mother, and she loves just as passionately...